and then everything adds up
fitting like a conspiracy to devastate

to an indescribable
overwhelmingly
warped
sense of




melancholy

direction = where?
to think I was so damn sure of it once upon a time

hundertwasser attended only 3 months of art school and only minutes ago it dawned upon me that the reason why it was so could just be because,
institutionalised art will be institutionalised art.
because, he detested even the idea of a fundamental dip. in architecutre made necessary to build a living/working space.

he was however, Very responsible with his structures though.


what now?

Desolation.

10 minutes ago i woke to the rattling of windows
loose hinges of shut doors demanding attention
howls of wind swept all around and coming to halts in corners
and the mad tinkling of windchimes in the living room/corridor

right about 10 minutes after, sheets and sheets and sheets of rain just started to pour... and pour and pour. dark and wet outside. watch the dependency of rain on wind for its motion.
steady silent-like
with the absence of light and noise

why hadn't there been rain during daytime like this, ever?


so i'm gonna head back to bed
and experience indulgence in its purest form.






wish you were here
not here like 'here before i know it'
but here like... now.

from the day one leaves the safety of a womb, the respect for elders is taught to the young by... no, not other young ones but other adults. and as the young grows up, that gets fixed in his or her head and recognised as part of
'the way of life', in situations wrong or right.

well, not anymore

that place of respect elders naturally and effortlessly obtain through their nephews, sons, nieces, daughters or anyone else younger than they are should not be abused. if there had not been enough sense in them to show the least bit of respect for the ones who (are supposed) respect them, why should they deserve that comfort space? sure, they probably had 'MORE SALT THAN YOU HAVE HAD RICE' but that still gives them no right at all to be all out unreasonable, STILL pointless after a 30 minute lecture and behave like they have a mentality of a 1 yr old kid.

cross the lines and push the limits, that space they once had go as easily as they came.


anyway, he left for australia again last night and yes, i am in a very foul mood.

a little update

been spending lots of time with bf, him being on the week long emergency break. and also been doing hospital visits every other day... it's been so long. condition still nowhere near the comfort zone. NUH nurses/doctors/others more or less condemned. classmate's dad's recent passing on.


feels like i'm surrounded by death

like the season of doom has been called upon us