what else is there left to be happy about?
dont you just wish that sometimes...
just wish that you wouldnt be so hard on yourself...
but what's to be done?
this is the way you are
this is the way things are...
there is no one else to blame
for the way you are
and the way things are.

i got into lasalle man...........

soya sauce
the huge dosage
one spoonful
feel it linger
at the throat
the after taste
feel its compounds
sting my eyes
make me cry
artificial
so artificial

i need... amnesiac..
need...radiohead...
need to buy...
need...
radiohead..
money...

pretty pissed off right now
my guitarists seem to have disappeared from the surface of the world
and we are to jam tomorrow

hollow us.

hollow hollow hollow hollow.........
hollow woman
hollow man

didn't finish my drawing..
cos i was only given an hour to do 3 items
and i only finished one
nothing can be done
but the interviewer looked pretty amused throughout when i presented my portfolio
hope all will be fine
i feel hollow today
sam is back from england
and she'll be leaving 4 months later
i still feel very hollow

i'm finally done with my portfolio.......
finally........ the burden... off me back...
the relieve.... i cannot comprehend...
it's the same as sitting for important papers in school
the sooner i get over the paper
the better i feel...
in about 10 hours' time i'll be leaving the house for la salle
i probably finished my portfolio only because the presentation is today

empty... so very empty..... .. ... .. .

see that girl down the street?
see that girl walking weird down the street.
the girl hidden in a hood so black
the girl detached like a distant memory.
see that girl down the street?
see that girl and you see me.

oh so bruised.

skated errr yesterday, technically.
bought new skates as well.
team psirus
really good looking.
only thing which is missing is this soul plate to attach at the side of the right skate
the one which my old arlos have
oooh maybe the old one can fit the new skates
since they're all usd thrones
day was pretty cool
learnt new stuff.
colleague who is new to skating did a misty flip from a ramp on a sloped ground.
straight up. it wasn't intended.
he landed on his head.
he couldn't speak for half a minute.
his nerves went mad and he was shaking all over.
his eyes were wide and in shock.
he was right in front of me and i could do nothing but ask if he was alright.
for that 1 minute 995 kept flashing in my head.
i was supposed to catch him at the end of the ramp.
i was at the end of the ramp.
tripped over his fallen body.
but all's fine now... he just has this very terrible strain below his ear.
felt so bloody guilty cos he was using my new skates.
they are super smooth and slippery and light and everything else.
alright i need to go take some more photographs for the portfolio

maybe i over react...
to certain situations and issues.. yes.
might be over sensitive... yes.
perhaps principles shouldn't be placed in such high positions...?
what the hell makes a real person then?

reading chuck palahniuk's lullaby.
very amusing...

these noise-oholics. these quiet-ophobics.
it's not that you want everybody dead, but it would be nice to unleash the culling spell on the world.
just to enjoy the fear.
after people outlawed loud sounds, any sounds that could habour a spell, any music or noise that might mask a deadly poem, after that the world would be silent.
dangerous and frightened, but silent.

every expectation is a disappointment
therefore it is best not to expect anything out of anyone at all

all these weird/stupid dreams happened when i was in a semi conscious state
that is why i can remember all of them
i knew i was asleep and awake at the same time yet they still felt real
hell i even smelt how the drug smelt like

hmmm had the weirdest dream this morning
the 2nd weirdest was when i dreamt i got high
inhaled some drug thing and i actually felt high?
then the 3rd weirdest was when i jumped from the kitchen window on the 9th storey at my old flat
cos i was too lazy to take the stairs (?)
in the dream i wasn't injured at all but i had aches all over when i woke up.
the dream this morning
i dreamt that i was at this really old mansion with a friend i think
and we were just wondering about then suddenly
i blacked out
i think i was stabbed in the back
by whom or what i don't know.
and i dreamt that i woke up in a hospital and doctors and nurses crowding around me
i dreamt that i was in a semi sleep state
and the doctors were trying to decide whether to inject huge doses of numbing chemical into my ear (?)
i felt a dull pain in my right ear when they decided to.
and when i woke up in the dream, the nurse gave me small packets of my own blood
and skin and flesh and everything else which was leftover after the operation
i didn't know what for
then i was told to go check out of the hospital.

rain might come... wind is strong
box of melted chocolates unopened
clock has stopped living
bits of paper in envelops
picture of you.
to be kept away like mummyfied treasures in a tomb
to be lost in time like waves in space
like memories that need to be put to sleep.
the rain is so gentle it can't be heard

couldn't post any entries yesterday
there were some problems going on with blogger again
so i logged off and wrote in my notebook until i fell asleep with the pen still in hand
sometimes shit happens and i always wonder why i even bothered

don't hold on to time
it moves with or without you
it's like trying to hold on to a passing train
don't hold on to people
all you do is hurt yourself.
don't attach
don't hold on to anyone's anything
throw out memories
pull them out like bad teeth
don't attach
what was, was
it's not easy to face.