christmas came and went yet again and this year's not much of a difference from the past ones; except that it was the 2nd christmas I've had spent with my dearest. been spending quite an amount of time with my younger brother of 11 years old as well, it being the holidays and all. don't ask why but I'm starting to fear for him; that he'll walk jay's path of prediction and grow up a wuss or a whiney tantrum throwing brat. yes, even in front of his own friends. not that he's all bad, there are times when he is actually easy to get along with.

just how do you knock related sense like that into kids of that age?

then there's the ultimate pain in the ass 25-yr-old-but-not-grown-up-yet elder brother. seriously I'm gonna cry for the girl (if there will even be any) he takes for a wife in future.

all that dirty laundry...

gosh sometimes I can't wait to move out of this friggin mad house

and when my neighbour decides to sleep over tonight because he and my bro are of the same age and friends and they were squabbling over GAME OF LIFE just minutes ago before getting all excited about spending the night together... suddenly I become the nanny although they're both old enough to go to the loo without worrying about the THING from the mirror or the toilet bowl and the THING coming from under the tv, the THING from the balls and the THING in an inflated float... first was shaolin soccer then was instant pasta and iced tea before they decided on having disney songs on a cd player accompany them through the night. my mom says it's all a guy's thing. anyway had enough for today and I have a feeling it's gonna be yet another let's-stay-up-and-watch-the-ceiling night when I hop into bed later on because my legs are all jumpy and restless and feeling like they need a run. then earlier in the day was a headache neckache and a stomachache and episode 6666666666 of The Adventures of Living With a Smartass. damn... the things we go through for blood. not all was bad though, the first 9 hours of my day was niiiiiiiiiicee. <3


but if i'm dying then the cookie monster's already dead. SO I MUST HANG IN THERRRREEE


silly boy's probably asleep.

probably? what am i saying

hello everybody

there had been a shooting in Columbus, Ohio at a nightclub where Damageplan was performing yesterday night. at least 5 were killed and 2 injured. unfortunately, 2 deaths were of now ex members of damageplan and also ex members of pantera.

Darrell Abbott, affectionately known as 'Dimebag'...R.I.P. The other death in the band is yet to be confirmed.

more?


oh yes.
more anguish?
tsk.

and did you know ohio was the state that had the least votes for bush during the election?

guns.

just speculating. oh well... what's done can't be undone now can it?




[edit] the other guy who died and from damageplan was Dimebag's bodyguard, Jeffery "Mayhem" Thompson.

realised that I haven't been blogging here as much as I used to, lazy? or is there really nothing for me to blog about... perhaps I've found kinder solace in the alternative, the other journal that I have been writing in more often these days...

yesterday, the revival of pipingrad was celebrated and it has been almost a year the first time I visited that site. the comics are still really nice, moronically/sadistically funny but it is a pity that SOME do not get it... :p talking about time, it only feels like yesterday (cliche, i know) that I've joined lasalle, yesterday that I've got acquainted with the now love of my life, yesterday that I turned 16 and life finally started... read through a portion of my old entries on this blog last night and a conclusion was made... although I've so called mellowed out, (we all do at some point), it hadn't stopped the bile rise inside of me from time to time. I suppose there's a good and bad about that, the intensity...

I'm definitely living a different life from what I used to have just 2 years back and although sometimes I have my doubts and uncertainty about what will be of the future from here on, it always helps to think about all the wonderful moments lived in this 'different life' and believe in the future prospects of them...

maybe everything will turn out right, I don't know. maybe this is all redundant because it's still early to say. maybe I shouldn't be thinking so much at all...

sick. :(


anyway, here's something to check out... CyberPalm

have always been curious about palmistry, and still am...

the hormones must be working in full swing or something

sleep last night was one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride... and the last straw came when I found myself starting to tear in the dream I had just minutes ago and upon waking from that, found myself feeling shitty and eyes were literally wet. doh...

bleeding is one bloody drag


no pun intended...

hello, memory lane.

it looks like a 100 degrees out there and I feel you, sweltering heat, even in this air conditioned, dusty room of mine.

days like these make me miss the many times, usually during weekends, 2 or 3 of us would lay stagnant in the heat beside a pool, in comfortable
un-conversational silence... and the occasional dives when we've had enough of the sun's rays... and the hundreds of hours we have wasted just splashing each other/ourselves silly in the waters...

sam, when the hell are you coming back?

the days can't possibly get any better.

I'm not sure but I have a feeling that when I grow up, I'm gonna be a huge bum... yes a bummer. a BUMMER... one who walks the earth bare footed (usually claiming to search for the Truth... think pulp fiction?) and sleeps on streets with the strays and cardboard pieces and one who begs for change.

just kidding




but seriously, comparing the days now and the days then (then as in before the semester break started), I'm enjoying the days now a whole lot more... for those who are still in the midst of exams, too bad lah. :X but good luck anyway... your turn will come soon enough! all is fair...


okay back to the real world

I NEED A PT JOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB



in the mean time, I'm kind of being financially supported by a very kind (silly) cookie monster who is trapped by my wicked wicked vices.........

my mom has been telling me a lot of sob/horror stories of how certain B/G, or rather, married couples' relationships that she know about had failed the past few days... to warn me to be wary of certain signs that will eventually succumb to a sad ending or to scare me out of having a relationship at this age, I don't know... but I sure hope it was for the former. though I have a feeling it was for both causes.

when you start to hear about how relationships are crumbling, especially from those whom you personally know, it's a natural reaction to think about the relationship/s that you're having (if any)... then comes paranoia and doubt. and it would be an outright lie if you claim there's no doubt for the other who is involved in the relationship.

so I admit my mom had successfully instilled doubt and paranoia in me... but wait, I did use HAD... instead of has. it HAD been a blurry past few days... not about how my significant other would do the same to me as others had done, but more about 'if that could happen to others, it could happen to me as well... what would I do then?'. it's a case of how you would want to believe in the positivity of things but then again have no guarantee over it (unless you're a future reading wizard), and the latter being the logical one......

BUT when there's a bad side to things, there will be a good side as well... because without good there will never be bad. and then I thought, it's only human nature (majority of human nature that is) to be pessimistic about things... and to look from the *minority's* point of view, if there are bad relationships, surely there would be good ones as well? and if you can harbour thoughts of the 'what ifs' of a bad relationships, why not concentrate on the 'what ifs' of the good ones instead?

trust... too much of it is naiveté, too little is infuriating.

it is quite difficult to see things from a crystle clear point of view at times, especially when one is constantly absorbing information from all around him/her... I guess the only way to go about doing this is to be, yes, wary of all the *potential* signs of a sad end to whatever that you're dealing with... and at the same time, take and understand the situations as they are, instead of lumping them together with other kinds of non-existing factors that would eventually cause distress in the situations if they are taken too seriously...



eh... I am not trying to write some philosophical shit or trying to be Aunt Agony, I'm just writing things out so that I can have a better grasp at what I have been trying to understand the past few days... and it seriously helps, you should try it too. :X



thank you for reading.

can someone drop a mass of boulder onto my elder brother for me please?

:)


today's a special special day...


so it's FINALLY over... it being the assessment period. my elective projs (sculpture/ceramics) have not been graded yet though. but the lecturer, being a super nice german (i think) guy, decided that grading would be a week after our assessment period. and I was planning to go back to school tomorrow to finish up some 30 sketches required but realised that it wouldn't be possible because there would be assessment for the next batch of students...

anyway, HELLO TO 2 MONTHS OF HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :X

yep I'm really really glad they're here.
and that also means... the (usually futile) start of hunting for a PT job. :p

and the weather is really nice today... it had rained in the early morning and I was greeted by grey skies and cool air when I woke to the silly cookie monster's sms wishing me a happy first year anniversary... :)

as gloomy as the day may look like, I'm grateful for the cool weather... rain doesn't necessarily mean dampening of spirits you know. today's a day too special to allow that to happen :p

I'm gonna be having dinner with him later...


<3 <3

there's always a price that needs to be paid before one finally has the grasp of what he/she had been waiting in much anticipation for.

and in my case, it's shit loads of stress...


arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh




okay back to work.

lavender dreams...

I can't believe I just heard a line of lyrics from a song on radio that went:


"what are you doing tonight?
I wish I could be, a fly on your wall"



.....

yep so I did a search on google (what are you doing tonight? i wish i could be, a fly on your wall lyrics) and it turned out to be something by clay aiken.

and then I decided I shouldn't be surprised at all.

my room smells like a florist's...

waking up and falling asleep have been difficult these few days; especially on the days where there's nothing much to look forward to.


the days? long, tiring and dreary...

"...papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
here today, forgot tomorrow.
here besides the news of holy war and holy need
ours is just a little sorrowed talk..."

i miss you

Visuals for thought.



Antony Gormley



learning to think
- my most favourite one... the relationship between the space and live sized cast iron men blew me away on first sight. surreal and scary... yet intriguing at the same time huh?



land, sea, air
- why do we not have shores like this here? again... live sized cast iron men (app. 189cm)



european field
- 40,000 terracotta 6-10cm tall figures... -___-!



filed for british isles
- there were several different exhibitions done with the same 40,000 terracotta figures...



another place
- 100 live sized cast iron men were placed randomly on the shores of this beach... when the tide came in, the water was until their waists.








more?

just for the record... today,

I:
- chilled at jay's place in the morning
- gave jay a small round red paper lantern
- went down to videoezy a bit later
- had yoshinoya for lunch
- caught bourne supremacy with jay
- slammed the door in elder bro's foot/face

because I always forget what I do every year.



and here's something interesting...


[23:44] < suiren > looking for a girl walking in takashimaya wearing red cap, blue dress, white shoe, wear red spect , carry yellow bag, speak chinese and 1.6cm, 45kg girl.... walking from 4 floor to the 3 rd floor went to the toy section then to the ladies section then cross the road go to hereen, never went in , walk to the bus stop take bus 167 at 7.36pm and drop at city hall at 7.52pm went to the Star buck and order nice caffee mocal sitting near the door sm


that kid has a brightbright future laid out for him...

save me

what is it with people and picture taking in dressing rooms?

so much in life we can do without.

I guess siblings are one of those things we can't be choosy with huh?

what else can I say?
you call all the shots.

while you're at it, tie me up and cage me in, why don't you.

...after 1 year 11 months 8 days:


5th sept 2004

"stef as much as we're a band we're still friends so share the shit won't you that's why we're here the band we're here for you whether you in or out we're here for you..."
ex-guitarist, jeremy.



it had been a dream come true
the bestest present ever received on my 16th year of birthday

but like they always say, nothing's ever permanent...
except for change

i'm sorry it had to end this way

it had been fun while it lasted...

maybe i'll be fit to play again one day
in the meantime, you guys do yourselves proud.

<3

Musical Extravaganza 2004 by ITE CeMTA


My Fair Singaporean Lady -

Adapted and Directed by Professor Andrew Wilkinson


(a comedy-musical; story rewritten in a singaporean context)
:: Liza, a young, street-wise girl, aspires to be a star. However, her hot headed character brings her into conflict with the judges of a major vocal competition, and she is forced to earn a meagre living, selling copy watches and singing in a lounge.

Her 'uncle' and guardian, a gangland boss tries to develop her raw talent by employing teachers - but they turn out to be totally unsuitable. Then, one day, she meets 2 directors of a Performing Arts School, who are suitably impressed by her determination.

Together with her friend, Raj, Eliza embarks on a course of training at the school, and she is chosen to represent the school in a competition. Despite the efforts of the notorious singing teacher, Madam Tippleover, to sabotage her, Eliza finally achieves her ambition, to star in a Broadway Musical - Success at last for our heroine.




Dates:
Sat 2 Oct - 8pm (opening night)
Sun 3 Oct - 3pm (matinee)

Tickets:
Opening night ($10, $5)
Matinee ($5)

Venue:
University Cultural Center (UCC) Hall
10 Kent Ridge Crescent
Singapore 119260




** interested parties please hit me back for more details, tickets and arrangements! support ar...

So if you think dying under the stars of a countryside happy and stress-free (from evil mechanic pieces of shit) is a horribly good idea, hands and feet up.

Useless Information of the Day...



Controlling the Internet

One of Singapore's greatest recent dilemmas has been how to liberalise without opening the information floodgates. This is a particularly curly problem when it comes to curbing the essentially anarchical nature of the Internet. On one hand, the government wants all citizens to be Internet wired or at least Internet savvy. But, on the other hand, it doesn't like all the nasties that go with it - like criticism of the government there to be read by all in the 'soc.culture.singapore' newsgroup, or the prolific amount of pornographic material that is available all over the Net.

Along with China and Vietnam, Singapore is trying to solve this problem through a series of laws and guidelines and through the formation of a regulatory board called the Singapore Broadcasting Authority (SBA). Responsible cybercitizens who notice antisocial activities on the Net in Singapore are required to notify the SBA. In other words, you have the makings of a voluntary Net police: 1984 has come a few years too late.

Internet Service Providers (ISPs) ultimately bear the brunt of responsibility for keeping out the cybernasties by filtering the good and bad. They are also required by law to report any person or organisation found to be flaunting the rules - a chilling prospect when you consider that you are possibly being spied on the moment you log on to your favourite site. Who knows, the Net police might be knocking on your door just when you least expect it.

* taken from 'city secrets'




bloody fascists.

Days after days after days after days after days...

ultimate comfort food?

nutella straight out of the jar. <3

my mom has been sleeping a lot lately

she's getting old and each passing day I find myself worrying more about what used to be unnecessary, because it was like 2nd nature, letting her take care of what's worth of herself.

all that seems fine and dandy on the surface is only a pretense she puts on day after day to get us through it all... secrets she has laid and hidden well beneath are as ugly as that son of a bitch.

I am always telling her to file for separation if it gets too difficult, but I suppose I should have had put better thought into my words, for that sure isn't what the hurt would find soothing to hear, just like how it was not one bit comforting when you said it's okay for us to break up.

this overused facade should come through soon, it is about damn time anyway.

sometimes things just happen.
if it has to go, it has to go.

no more tears.



and her whole world comes tumbling down...

so I guess if we've talked and still can't come to terms,
then there wouldn't be much point carrying on would it.


I'm just sick of getting upset over matters like this,
it's bad for both head and body.


restrictions are tiring,
why don't we break them down before I give up trying.


restrictions are tiring,
why do you tie me down with them.


it's all about giving and taking,
what am I receiving for giving this much.


do they even count for anything,
those were the happy times we had.


the worst senarios play and replay,
I feel like I'm prepared to let all of it go.



could you at least try to understand.





like you said you would?

since it is visual entertainment day, here's some for you...



here's where i spend manymany hours of the week painting...


...and painting.


luckily, it's a space with a view. not much, but still...


just like my 2nd home. *coughcough*


Ms. Retainers wanted to say hello.


go on over to this webby for more.

:)

so there I was wasting time online, and I came across this survey on friendster that had these 2 questions interestingly phrased and placed.

 
[ ] I am religious.
[ ] I am not religious but have morals.

 
just food for thought.

 

the stars and you collide.

 

realised that I haven't really been putting in much effort to blog lately... school's been such a bitch all I wanna do at the end of the day is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. okay what I'm actually trying to say is that it's super tiring squinting for details like the shades of lightness and darkness on objects for our still life painting projs. and then there's the climbing of stairs part, sometimes there's such a horrible lack of materials, visits to the -friendly- art shop can run up to as many as 5 a day. $ like that fly eh......

we've been window shopping for furniture a lot these days... believe it or not, we're already planning for what goes into our future crib. the theme colours... interior designs... he wants it victorian style. loads of bold furniture and dark colours. I'm cool with the idea although it's probably gonna cost...... no way are we going IKEA because it's just NOT going to be nice to hear someone walking into my house and go HEY I've seen that exact same piece of furniture at so and so's place today! on CNY or deepavali.

yes anyway enough of that... it's a shitload of talk, but nothing's gonna really happen until we see the $.

well it's just weird because on the train ride home today, after watching this family of 6 (parents with 2 kids and a baby plus a pre-teen sitting on the other side of the train with book and discman completly zoned out into her own world) SURVIVE the train ride... I felt like I was almost ready to have (BEAR, not consume) some babies.


there was just so much love... you know? 

<3 

  

retainers give me headaches.

 

moshing can actually be therapeutic.
 
kudos to Objection Overule for having made it possible.
and yes, they managed to pull off a terrific set yet again... 

 
charlene fir and their friend (hashim ?), chris calbin darren farhan... you guys were great company <3 



 

the quiet things that noone ever knows... 

it had not been a very good weekend.


there had been a heartbreak, a very sudden death, and a pending lawsuit to settle.

all 3 are not related, by the way.



I wish I could do something more, but all I have to offer really are just my ears and lame attempts at words of comfort... *sigh*

jay got me a dreamcatcher today... it's prettyprettypretty.

and it's gonna have to prove me wrong tonight.

there hadn't been much that went on the past few days, but I return home everyday to feel that stiffness in my lower back (largely due to the bag of weights we drag back and forth school) and the slight but consistent thud in the head.

time is running out, we're growing old far too soon.

have you ever ever wondered just how much dust you're breathing in through your nostrils/mouth in every single breath ?

this computer feels CLEAN.

although scanner and printer not fully installed yet, I must be doing something wrongly because all except sound devices were rejected from the system.
compaq customer care line put me on hold for a good 20 minutes so I decided to screw it and wait for tomorrow...

we seem to be always waiting for something or someone, aren't we all?

after all, I've had a long day...
besides getting this damn piece of mechanical shit that made me run setup twice to install the useless progs compaq has got packed in the 8 recovery CDs before it got fully reformatted because it hung on me halfway through the first try, I even cleaned my room (DUST FREE!!!!!!! .... not literally. just mostly the floor area.) threw out 3 huge bags of rubbish hung back up my fallen stars changed bed+pillow sheets and for all of that, wheezes and sneezes and coughs (imagine them happening all at the same time) like there's no tomorrow.
not forgetting the occasional dust induced rashes on hands...

and you can probably guess by now...
I absolutely dislike doing housework.

but if doing it with others besides myself is entirely a different story......

WHAT GOOD IS A GODDAMN STUDENT PORTAL IF YOU ARE TOLD YOU CAN ONLY GET YOUR TIMETABLES, THE SIMPLEST PIECES OF INFO. YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH THE YEAR FROM THE SCHOOL'S NOTICE BOARDS? AND WHAT GOOD ARE THE SCHOOL'S NOTICE BOARDS WHEN YOU TRAVEL A TOTAL OF 3 HOURS JUST TO SEE THAT THE GODDAMN TIMETABLE HAS NOT BEEN POSTED UP YET ALTHOUGH THEY HAD INFORMED YOU THAT THEY WOULD BE UP BY THIS AND THAT DATE AND THEN YOU FIND THAT THE FRIGGIN' DEPT. ADMIN HAS JUST GONE OUT FOR A 2 HOUR LUNCH BREAK SO YOU COME HOME TO REALISE IN DISAPPOINTMENT THAT THIS OTHER 'GIRL' WHOM YOU LEFT YOUR EMAIL WITH DID NOT GET BACK TO YOU BECAUSE SOMETHING FUCKED UP WHICH YOU DO NOT KNOW ABOUT HAPPENED AND THAT PREVENTED HER FROM SENDING YOU YOUR TIMETABLE AND SUDDENLY EVERYBODY DECIDES TO HAVE HORRIBLE MOODSWINGS ALL TOGETHER AT ONCE BUT YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO STEP ON TOES, NOT NOW AT LEAST, SO YOU DON'T SAY A WORD AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS TO GO TO SLEEP WAIT FOR LIGHT TO COME AND TRAVEL ANOTHER 3 HOURS THE NEXT DAY JUST FOR THAT !@#$%^$#!@# TIMETABLE WHICH YOU COULD NOT GET FROM THE GIRL AND THE FRIGGIN' DEPT. ADMIN AND THE SCHOOL'S NOTICE BOARD AND THE GODDAMN USELESS SHIT-FILLED STUDENT PORTAL.


WASN'T THAT ENTERTAINING?
HEADACHES DO WONDERS TO BLOG ENTRIES.

deoxy here.

courtesy of jvlz



i especially like this particular strip...

and for that very instance, a brief wave of melancholy swept across the silence and stillness of it all... leaving the darkened void to wonder if there was only so much to it, to wonder if everything that had seem to matter still mattered as much.

it is true, how they say we human beings can never really be satisfied and totally appreciative with what we've got until it's gone, out of sight and out of touch...

Love makes the world go 'round... <3

I want 2 cats

I want a black cat and I want a white cat.

meow
meow
meow
meow

received my results a few days back



SUBJECT // CREDIT

2D Workshop - 6
3D Workshop - 6
Art History I & II - 3
Art Theory I & II - 3
Drawing - 6
Design Workshop - 6
Multimedia Workshop - 6
Professional Practice - 4



maximum number of credits attainable for the academic year; 40
number of credits needed to progress; 36
my AP was a 69.38
that's 10.62 away from a distinction...
oh well

they're happy enough though
and i'm happy too
we're all happy happy people

if this is love, why does it reek of emptiness?

does it only hurt for a little while, before it all goes away?

is that why they always stop holding hands stop sharing food in public but instead start spending lesser quality time together

and is that why they forget that even the tiniest detail and words actually matter (yes WORDS DO MATTER, they are 2nd most important after actions.)

is it because it became more like only a commitment to keep and only a rightful duty to fulfil?

what the hell had happened to mankind?

or is it just me...

okay imagine you have a family wedding dinner to attend (whose? not very sure yet) and so off you go making your way with your mom and brothers to harbour front center and then you meet and sit at the same table with your uncle (mom's brother) and his family, meet your other uncle (mom's other brother) and his family of 4 who's got that boy who lived with you and your family for a couple of years when he was still a toddler but he's all grown up now, and he does not have the slightest recognition of having lived with his father's sister's family... hell, he wouldn't have known if he had walked past any of us on the streets before this dinner. anyway after that you meet more people, people who've shrunk one way and that's down, people who've grown left right and up, people you used to know and have played with in the sea and sand half naked while you guys were still happily being kids but don't speak to anymore, not able to even make proper eye contact, people whom you find looking so suspiciously familiar yet can't place your fingers on the where's and what's and who's, and of course, the people you never knew you actually know. and you miss the people who aren't present, for one reason or another...

that basically sums up the kind of relationship I have with my relatives.
and also 3/4s of the dinner... the rest of it was the usual 8 dish course that left us stuffed like christmas turkeys waiting to be roasted or baked.

I was pretty amazed/amused/fascinated by how they started the course though, dimmed lights and music in the background and there were lines and lines of waitresses/waiters serving the very first dish that had this tealight candle in a wine glass placed amongst finger food.

grandeur.

but wait, the highlight of it all?

it was only after the dinner when I found out that it was actually my cousin (mother's brother's daughter) who got married...





I'm gonna go comfort myself with some tea and a book......

I WANNA TRAVEL AROUND THE WORRRRRLDDDDDDDD

I wanna go to EUROPE... visit VENICE SEE THE GOTHIC STRUCTURE HOUSES SEE VENETIAN ART IN THE GALLERIE DELL'ACCADEMIA HOUSES walk the deserted sandy beaches of pellestrina and attempt counting the stars in the skies of ghost town torcello...

yeah I think I'll just settle on visiting venice first.

as you can probably tell, olivia is getting pretty damn bored of this place... she wannnnnts to get outttttttt see the worldddddd and everrrrything else beaauuuuutifuullllll

but of course, not without her one and only...

and not forgetting having tonnes and tonnes of $ first.


I suppose it's the freedom that attacts...
*sigh*

ah.

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered.
You are an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for one reason or another - possibly, you made
one tragic mistake that cost you everything.
Or maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't commit.
In any case, you are faithless and joyless.
You find no happiness, love, or acceptance in your love or in yourself.
Most days are a burden and you wonder when the hurting will end.
Sweet, beautiful and sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching picture.
You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you deeply and wish that they could do something to ease your pain.
You are constantly living in memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or self-loathing.
Feeling rejected and unloved, you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite your tainted nature, your soul is breathtakingly beautiful.

Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

If you ever need to let go, it's okay.

because I will understand.

it is at times like this I feel like a down right useless jerk-off who does not know or is unable to do enough to make things better but merely sticks around to take up and waste precious living space.


so shitfully oppressive

Hello world


I am back.

I missed blogging.
okay it's time to go back to sleep...




listen: sigur ros - svefn g englar

2 hours ago i thought of the perfect 7th month anniversary gift.

2 hours later doubts envelope the necessity.

and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams of which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very very
mad world

raindrops like weights upon my shoulders

paranoia.

nerve disorder.

violence.

why does it feel like i'm doing everything wrongly?



"it is like the breakage of a silent heart
giving and not receiving
sharing and not understanding
repressed and not healing"

so damn unworthy.



oh and i am shredding skin like nobody's business.

Ü

i stayed/am staying home the whole of today...
younger bro's EL paper 1's tomorrow so i had to give him extra tuition
decided to make myself more useful and made dinner for the rest

attempted cooking porridge and hey
it didn't turn out all that bad afterall... :p
before my mom left the house she told me not to cook her share
and when she got home she said it's good and she'll take some later
did she really think i would have screwed it up?
-___-"

anyway i've yet to perfect that *creamy* texture i was supposed to create
the shredded crabsticks were added in too late and the fried butter chicken slices were far too thick and so nothing really *dissolved* into the huge pot of bubbling mixture
but the outcome tasted really nice so what the heck
my brothers loved it
and i really wanna experiment with other ingredients as well...

i just hope they won't get sick of my porridges too soon
cos there's gonna be lots more of porridge cooking sessions the next few days...

i'm gonna be staying away from the sun for a long long time...
*winces in pain*

geez i can't believe i just saw 311 and lost prophets on MTV's non-stop hits

was gonna continue watching until gareth gates came on and turned me off

groundwork IV the exhibition held at the end of every foundation year was last friday...
so jayjay was my date and we went and watched my classmates' super improvised wayang play

oh yeah and everybody will agree with me, sexy lady of lasalle SIA foundation year 03/04 with never ending legs and skirts that seem to get shorter and shorter each passing day is indeed the one who gets the most gawks and stares and checking outs, wherever her presence is felt. ;)

and i digress
today i met up with jay earlier in the day before catching Jersey Girl (it was urrrrm a LITTLE too boring, sorry nina :p) and having dinner, etc with 2 of my oldest and closest friends i got to know during primary school days...
it was a very very nice meet up just because we were at total ease with one another and we missed hanging out together and stuff...
had a great time laughed our asses and stomachs and boobs off at the silliest things done and said
you wouldn't wanna know what... :p

a lot of people i know don't keep in touch with their primary school mates anymore
i suppose they didn't have so much of a bond as i did with a few of mine
it was during that period we all were trying to grow up and figure things out
it was during that period when it was okay to make mistakes and laugh/cry about them together later on
it was during that period where you can be honest with one another and not feel embarrassed about the way you are because we were all going through the same shit
and it was also during that period you could tell who would be your friend and who wouldn't when you're done with that primary education

:)

i miss it but i don't want to spend another 6 years going through it again as well... it's already part of what i am today and i've got no regrets of anything or whatsoever... okay i realise that i am starting to ramble but it's late in the night so what the hell

he's still hard at work and it's only been 8 hours since we last parted and i'm missing him like hell already *sigh*

and since nina reads my blog... thanks for today girl *hugs* Ü Ü

like a tuneless song in my head
it's never felt so lonely in my life

so lonely baby




Listen: ida - little things

alo?alo?

such a contrast, the 2 spaces felt to the touch
it's as sunny as hell outside and cool cucumbers in here

so i've got into the course...
not like it's difficult to get in anyway :x but it's just a relieve that, you know...it's officially confirmed and all...

we spent about a total of 26 hours together to celebrate our
6th MONTH anniversary... <3 <3
a little stoned now cos of the lack of sleep and erm too much of err?well nevermind... stoned i say :p
erm yeah anyway it's time to get back to workkk

tomorrow:
art history exam
4 textile projs due
3 comD projs due

with presentations.

updates here will be done maybe later......


-


ssttxxyy@hotmail.com says:
hehe ~~~you will be a artist. i envy you so much~~

your non paradoxical super ego says:
fashion designer not artist meh?

ssttxxyy@hotmail.com says:
but i like painting so much~~~

your non paradoxical super ego says:
i feel sad for you

ssttxxyy@hotmail.com says:
fashion is more business~~

ssttxxyy@hotmail.com says:
i like not about money too much~~~

ssttxxyy@hotmail.com says:
because art can not use money to weigh

today, the interview was over in 5 minutes.

there were 3 of them

their last words were 'See you'




your own disaster

remember the cold late nights and pre-dawn mornings
remember comfort by soft sad croons that filled my head

remember that little corner which was mine to hide in
remember tear stained cheeks when emotion overruns

remember endless angst filled pages of words
remember falling asleep to make-believe reveries

remember every yearning of wanting change
remember the stoicism to calamities unforeseen


remember having life done justice on every moment's worth
remember fighting for everything that seemed like they didn't matter
remember other immeasurable spaces over the milkyway
remember having broken free from conformity



remember forsaking every fallen tear

remember letting go

why do we feel the things we feel?

why are things always so friggin difficult?


when you hurt
you hurt alone,
and silent tears will fall.

and everything i wanna be
is just another silly dream you see
but i'll keep dreaming just the same

*saveferris*

it's been a decade now, since his demise

one up for the hero

if this is how life is going to be like
I'd rather be dead than continue hanging around

*sigh*

very very rainy this afternoon is

but that's still no excuse...
to not finish the work due tomorrow
..zzz...
just 4 more weeks then i'm done

had a very nice weekend (i really really did) at the rugby7s...
saturday was super duperr sunny... got sunburnt and all
so i was all dressed for the sun on sunday
then it started POURING and the kallang river somehow found its way into the national stadium.
we ended up walking around barefooted and dripping wet and freezing cold...
things got a bit boring at one point of time, after the france vs RSA match
ice box was just behind us and we had cups.........

all i can say is that he's a bad, bad bad bad baddd actor :p

jaklyn's staying over the next 2 days
i never knew my room could be THIS neat until i cleared the floor for an extra mattress
too bad i haven't got a camera with me right now...

i'm sucking on the sugarfree swirlywirly red and white lollipop
it's sour. o.O


i miss you
you. you. you you you you you.



REEKING PROCRASTINATION

first choice was painting and jewellery design 2nd
that was all but later in the afternoon one of the administrative ladies called me up to get me down at the office to fill in 3 more options 'just for fun and my tabulation because you'll probably get into painting'
duh.
3rd interior design
4th animation
5th fashion design

had a bit of a dispute with my drummer earlier in the morning
resulted in a no jam session this week

so much for a happy april fool's day

t'was a long and dreary day at school...
a total of 7 hours spent on listening to/giving presentations -__-

was talking to a friend about her not being able to decide between com. d and jewellery d on the train home.
and that had me confused all over again...

my heart's with painting... i really wanna major in painting.
but i'm still not sure about being able to handle the super high costs of the course (3 more years if on a bachelor degree) and future prospects after the course are a blur.
whereas jewellery design... although i personally have not tried my hand at it, tackling the road with a diploma in that course seems and feels like a whole lot easier.

smsed my drawing lecturer about it and she said to pick something i'd be most comfortable working with.
she also said that, ultimately, it's not going to be so much about the choice, but how you handle the things that come with it.

and yeah, of the 5 we're allowed to pick, i've only chosen 2...


tomorrow, the option form is due.

today we went to the zoo
yes, the ZOO... :)

check the post AND pictures here

:) :) :)


<3

may god bless all the aspiring fashion/interior/product/communication designers...
if it wasn't for jay i would have probably died trying to think of designs and filling models with colours :X


<3 <3


we're supposed to mark 5 options out of the 13 that we would like to major in
my mind's a blank after the first 3...

and i'm really reallly thinking
if painting/jewellery design/ceremics would be wise choices

to put it simply, it's dreams vs reality here...

it's been a mad rush...
projects after projects after projects after projects
what else is new?

and geez thank goodness i did not set my mind on majoring in fashion design

how are you feeling today?


<3 <3

why do i always allow myself to be bled dry?


horrid.

so it was like deja vu all over again; the dark, gloomy madness and a sense of dread filled tragedy running through the streets and veins of the beings who believed. everybody was preparing to take cover on low grounds - huge sheets of comfort to hover underneath, handkerchieves to blind the world away when It has arrived. you could see some clinging on tight to their loved ones, as if those were the last few moments they'd be hanging around and among the living deads. what came next was a fury wirl of the unexplained and with of no reason happenings; guy from that gig ushering us to a space outside the classroom of a deserted school, more and more people joining us, chattering nervously while waiting for demise. paranoia and confusion soon overtook reasoned states of mind, later followed tears of blood, grief, threats, hatred. her modesty outraged in a small cubicle, mother and child were then found locked in and cursed. both were in states of semi consciousness, former resting in an over flooded bowl full of semi solid waste, only to be awoken after her hysterical screams. an elderly lady spirit unlocked the doors of the cursed and mother was helped to escape, leaving 4 other small children and that spent soul of hers. nevertheless, amidst all the chinese traditional music playing out of thin air, the evil lady spirit was stupid and slow enough to allow being tricked into entering light, thus losing all forms of magical powers. all saved, it was time to relieve the rest of the world from this drugged madness. she left the raging spirit in the hands of a stranger and stumbled towards consciousness, alone.





suddenly it became difficult to see the dreams,
the dreams we used to believe in...

so beautiful.

<3

backwards spiral galaxy
NGC 4622



most spiral galaxies have arms of gas and stars that trail behind as they turn
this one is special because it has two "leading" outer arms that point toward the direction of the galaxy's clockwise rotation.
its outer pair of winding arms are full of new stars that are shown in blue...
"Galaxies, which consist of stars, gas, and dust, rotate very slowly. Our Sun, one of many stars in our Milky Way galaxy, completes a circuit around the Milky Way every 250 million years. NGC 4622 lies 111 million light-years away in the direction of the constellation Centaurus."



spitzer telescope sends rose for valentine's day
NGC 7129



a cluster of newborn stars were found in a rosebud-shaped (and rose-colored) nebulosity
and this cluster covers a region that is about one quarter the size of the full moon...
"Within the astronomically brief period of a million years, the stars have managed to blow a large, irregular bubble in the molecular cloud that once enveloped them like a cocoon. The rosy pink hue is produced by glowing dust grains on the surface of the bubble being heated by the intense light from the embedded young stars.
Three very young stars near the center of the image are sending jets of supersonic gas into the cloud. The impact of these jets heats molecules of carbon monoxide in the cloud, producing the intricate green nebulosity that forms the stem of the rosebud."





amazing...... isn't it?
i really like the rosebud cluster of stars
it's far too surreal to be in actual existence

this was a rather interesting page i surfed upon...

*click*click*



dumddeedum...

anyway, we visited the art museum today
field trip -_-
and we went on tour led by an old lady who spoke only to the ants.
tomorrow we will be going to the botanic gardens
for yet another drawing class project.


he's gone MIA...
*sigh*

it was a whale of an experience (seriously), yesterday and today...
spent a total of 30 hours at dover ITE and about 14 hours seated next to a sound engineer/co-ordinator of the open house they had that lasted the weekend.
thanks dear, for having allowed me tag/probe like i did whilst you busied yourself... :p
met many many new/old people (?)...
learned quite a great deal of stuff like how you can have instant remixes by playing with the many many knobs on the console and was pretty amused by the *god mike* and the other terms they have for certain things...

we got to see muscle men (REAL muscle men.)
live bands (most of them have potential... they just need to start writing originals!)
many hip hop/r&b uhh dances and stuff
a skit that taught us what ITE is all about (at least i THINK that was what they were TRYING to convey... o.O )

it was super tedious spending so many hours straining ears/eyes everytime a performance was due though, for it was fcuking HOT (and i mean BOILING HOT) yesterday and early noon today, before it started to pour.
and pour.
and pour and pour and pour
and pour......
so, i used up 12 packets (and counting) of tissue paper in 2 days.
is that like a record or what :p

my nose needs a plumber.
and my throat needs a good scratch (or rather, scrub...)
any good and cheap plumbers/toilet washers to recommend?
or you got the 2 in 1 package ?

had been busy busy busy the past few days...
but term breaks today and then it's a week's worth of holidays
not like it's going to make any difference anyway.
with all the holiday work and field trips to do and attend...
(field trips = MORE projects)
but 2d's been rrrreal fun
if i had to make a choice right now, i'd pick 2d over the media art and 3d modules.

wise or unwise?
you tell me.

is it possible for a person to be totally unaware of his own wrong/misjudged doings?
as in he continues making the same mistakes over and over and over again...
still unaware that he's always been in the wrong, and then he misunderstands everyone else's intentions.
thinking everyone else is the bad person and everybody is just picking on him intentionally.
thus making him hate everybody and himself...
is it possible, or are the supposed wrong-doings already part of that particular person
integrated into him and his head tells him that it's actually OKAY to be thinking/doing certain things when it is not.
and perhaps he realises it.
just not enough within himself to do something about anything at all.


i feel bad, really.
for having being the mean/classic tattletaling younger sister.
but what else could i have done
to make him stop

when authority was clearly not mine?



remember to breathe

angsty. angsty. angsty.


have i grown up?

yes, today had proven to be yet another fucked up day in this fucked up world.


i don't wanna talk about it.

here's how we've progressed... the whole thing should be completed by the 4th hour at site next monday.







yup it's true.
sadako crawls outta ceilings.

everyday, i keep reminding myself not to be selfish...

loneliness had been non-existence once upon a time...

i thought i could do an update with pictures taken in thailand today since my scanner's already hooked up to the computer and all
but NO... there just had to be some script error in the software installed, resulting in abortion of software.
i'll probably be buying the recovery cd from compaq next week, transfer files to brothers' computer and do a thorough reformat on mine.

been awfully and horribly busy with school the past week/s... we just started on our last 2d proj of the term on monday... wall mural at geylang methodist primary school.
the first wall we were assigned to was actually 3x4m...
so we threw on a coat of background paint and then splashes of other colours before stopping for lunch and that was when the lecturer suggested we change walls because the previous one was "too isolated and there wouldn't be enough room for proper art appreciation"
lol whatever that meant...
anyway we complied and the 6 of us moved to a 3.5x7.1m wall.
that was just pure madness because the largest group of 9 has a wall only 1/3 of ours...
but we managed to finish the background after 8 hours of being on-site
and realised it wasn't that tough after all because it sure beats being at school doing abstract still-life paintings :p

okay below's a nice over-exposed shot of the incomplete wall...

...and over-hyped people who had spent far too much time in one day 'communicating' with Wall :p

will continue the update in future with (hopefully) more pictures

each night i walk the stretch of road leading to my flat from the mrt station... when the sky is clear the 2 things i'd look out for are the moon and orion's belt just because the latter holds a special meaning... and connection... :p

if it was possible could one die from being immensely overwhelmed by the beauty of terrific nature, the nature that was not built by hand nor hands
but could only be appreciated or manipulated consumed wasted and destroyed......

okay i shall cut the crap lol...

anyway tonight the clouds were waves of maroonish brown and there were 4 different shades of light (yes i counted) being emitted from the super duper full moon plus the so very bright shining stars
for that very moment when i was standing smacked in the middle of nowhere head tilted towards the sky eyes trying to take in everything that could be taken in
i thought i would die right there and then...



and i thought it was so, so, so, beautiful
words really could not describe



or i may just be suffering from mild dementation

because whatever i say won't be appreciated anyway
so there is no point

sometimes i wonder if you actually listen to me at all
and if all of this is just a facade
nothing good lasts forever
and everybody knows.

this time it's for real

I AM BACK ONLINEEEEEEEE

finally got windows properly installed and files intact!
only headache now is finding sites to download drivers
already installed every single file they have to offer at compaq's support webby...
only drivers missing now are audio's and cdrw's.
no sound until then!

has anybody got any idea where to download legacy audio drivers?
and a cyberdrv cw088d driver as well
o.O


anyway i was out with him the whole of yesteday (technically)
and we caught plainsunset's last gig...
the epilogue (sigh!)
he bought us both tickets for our 3rd month anniversary :p
yeah anyway like all of the other shows they've had...
it was easy to get the crowd started and going until the end of the gig
will probably have a small tribute article/review with pictures up on purerock by the end of next week...

as for now it's about time for bed

okay i'm back...
wasn't on a hiatus, was gone for a 5day trip in thailand and i'm running on 56k right now cos my computer wouldn't boot and i need to reinstall winxp so yeah... -__-
guess IT (whatever IT is...) caught up with me... and the computer.
so much for a happy chinese new year
bah... in distress once abloodygain

a follow up post will be written another time...

a friend posed this question today

why so committed?

i was seriously stumped for a moment
had to retrace years' worth of happenings and thoughts...

the first gig
first jamming session
first review
first interview

do you remember the feeling of hearing a great song for the very first time?
for that very first few minutes
and the rest of the other minutes when the song is being replayed
it feels like there's hope for things afterall


perhaps it is all for the love of music





why do we even bother with explanations?

it's a lazy warm and sunny thursday afternoon...

not a very helpful weather when there's still so so much much workkk to complete

these days when i start on a post it's always about how much school work there is to do

so today...
i shall have a change of topic

met up with 4/7th of this symphonic black/death metal band i'm playing bass for yesterday at dover ITE...
(complete line up consists of vocalist, 3 guitarists, bassist, drummer, keyboardist)
worked a little on an original and goofed around a lot :p
there's still a whole lot of practising to do...
especially on the finger-rolling part
it was my first time using the bass to play metal stuff...
but i think i did okay on the whole
at least that was what he said :p

vocalist/guitarist for the main band is missing in action and uncontactable
so i guess everything will be on a standstill once again
oh well...

and did i mention how SUAY i had been the past week?

broke my 2nd pair of specs yesterday.
and the 1st pair broke the EXACT same way the 2nd pair did.
but on different occasions lah...
and the 2nd pair wasn't even a month old!!
!@#$@$%^^@#$@#$!
perhaps something was trying to tell me to give up on specs and get contact lenses
so i got myself a day and night continuous wear for 30 days pair today

then a friend was telling me some horror stories about how contact lenses roll to the back of your eyes when you go to sleep or something
and if that really happens to me... ... ...
then i really really can announce myself as SUAY -__-

.

I don't feel good today

it's one of those days when you feel like everything is a complete joke...

might just be PMS... i don't know.


and life still goes on anyway...

i went back to school today
had to buy more paint so i thought what the heck, might as well attend the class since there's only One every thursday

they taught us how to write a CV.

SO the past 2 days were spent working on the pieces...
managed to finish 13 mixed media pieces in 4 hours today and i swear.
i can remember how to draw every curve and turn and inch of the exterior of my guitar without looking at it if you ask me to -__-

waiting for the glue on one of the pieces to dry now...
no idea what other sorts of media i can use on the remaining ones

but at least i've got most of the assignments cleared :)


*phew*

fell ill yesterday afternoon...
only got to the doc's in the evening

'a very serious cold but with no flu and a 39 degree celsius fever accompanied by a throbbing (thud thud thud thud) head and a cactus throat'

i swear i had never felt worse o.O

all of that brought me a 3 day MC
and it's only the first week of school
bad omen or what?

so most of us spent about $100 on painting materials alone yesterday
20 sketches on mixed media plus 2 a3 paintings on painting techniques due friday
5 sketches 3 a4 paintings in sketchbook 1 a2 resolved perspective painting on canvas due next tuesday

how the hell am i supposed to complete all of that in a week?

IT'S UP IT'S UP IT'S UP!

click HERE

:D


oh yes and school starts tomorrow.

the once rusty tear ducts oiled

now they won't stop

yesterday night

i found rusty tear ducts


so they bled

and then i wondered what comfort felt like

enveloped
in sweet madness
void within
is the space
you might never fill


save me from this insanity, why don't you?



listen: the used - on my own

just a few moments ago, i heard fireworks in a distance.

and smashing pumpkins
dancing in the moon lit night



friggin' m1 was(is) screwing up cos it's the new year
so i couldn't reach him
to wish him a happy new year...


a happy merry new year to the rest anyway! :)